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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24065107">Sayshen</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuminousAlicorn/pseuds/Alicorn'>Alicorn (LuminousAlicorn)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Valdemar Series - Mercedes Lackey</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 19:14:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>764</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24065107</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuminousAlicorn/pseuds/Alicorn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Lancir was already a Herald when Taver Chose him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Sayshen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/15189953">Help me bear the burdens I have yet</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Swimmer963/pseuds/Swimmer963">Swimmer963</a>.
        </li>

    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sayshen's Chosen is busy.</p>
<p>
Taver often is courteous enough to give her commentary on what he was doing.  Sayshen wanders from one corner of the Companions' field to the other, grazing, watching the foals play, while Taver feeds her clipped updates: he's giving Vanyel another block, another redirect.  He's buried under meetings.  He'll have to reschedule with you, but next week will be all right, Sayshen, you have nothing else on then.
</p>
<p>
She has nothing else on ever.
</p>
<p>
The Companions who haven't Chosen anyone are <em>waiting</em>.  They're spinning fantasies of galloping across Valdemar with some best-beloved hands in their mane, righting wrongs, slinging spells, healing hurts.  The ones who've already found their Heralds are living it.  She knows it's not like the foals dream it, quite, that it's rocks in your hooves and burrs in your tail and being so tired and your Chosen being so tired.  The Companions who come back from circuit complain when they tell everyone what they've been up to, all, :I got locked in a stall by some idiot: and :We rode all that way and it turned out the flag was up by mistake, someone's colorblind!: and :I still have a rock in my hoof:.
</p>
<p>
She hasn't had a rock in her hoof for decades.
</p>
<p>
If only Taver h
</p>
<p>
Lancir's a good Queen's Own.  He has a great working relationship with Elspeth, and if he's constantly busy and not really organized enough, at least he has the character to show up anyway, every day, make guesses and take risks and put everything he has into Valdemar.  That was what Sayshen Chose him for, what she loves him for.
</p>
<p>
Sayshen used to
</p>
<p>
Taver slots into Lancir's life fine, of course, they love each other and Taver relays messages and keeps him generally on track even if he's not specialized in scheduling and that sort of thing.  The Queen's Own Herald needs the corresponding Companion.  Lancir has support he needs in adjusting to his new role, and if he's not handling it all exactly how Sayshen would have said, well, he's still getting so much done, she's so proud of him.
</p>
<p>
If Sayshen had just nev
</p>
<p>
Lancir does at first show up to see her about once a week.  ...a month.  He's down to twice annually on or around specific holidays now.  She's not in his head any more, she's not part of his work any more, they're not properly bonded any more, and the visits get more and more perfunctory, like she's his grandmother who he feels a vague obligation to and visits as often as is seemly without wanting the substance of the relationship anymore.  Like he only ever loved her bec
</p>
<p>
When he's dying nobody calls her in.
</p>
<p>
Not into the room, obviously, not even Taver, who is Lancir's Companion now, is there.  They wouldn't fit, no one ever thought t
</p>
<p>
But no one tells her about it, except Taver himself, who in a detached, divine sort of way tells her the state of his deathbed.  He wants Savil but she's out; he wants Vanyel and he comes.  He's clinging to Taver, who's been with him most of his life, now.  
</p>
<p>
No one says "remember Sayshen?  What about Sayshen?"  Vanyel's never even met her, so why does she feel so stung when Taver remarks to the herd that he was thoughtful enough to send condolences - <em>why has she never met half the people around her Chosen while he d</em>
</p>
<p>
And no one says, "Oh no, now Sayshen will die, too", so she reminds a few of her friends, other Companions, says goodbye, goes and finds a nice place under a tree where Lancir used to sit and read sometimes before he was so busy, lies down.  Waits.  Wasn't she envious not too long ago of the Companions who just wait around all day?
</p>
<p>
Why di
</p>
<p>
Who thou
</p>
<p>
Did he ever rea
</p>
<p>
<em>If they'd jus</em>
</p>
<p>
<em>WHY</em>
</p>
<p>
Sayshen's so proud of Lancir and the accomplishments of his life and she's very tired, for some reason, probably on account of the dying, and she gives up trying to chase whatever dream-wispy thought tried to happen to her, closes her eyes.  Taver will Choose someone new, and Valdemar will be fine, and the fact that Taver's had a dozen Chosen and Lancir was just one of course does not impugn the depth of his loss today, as great as her own, greater really, she's not still properly bonded, she hasn't seen Lancir since last winter, and it's very good of Vanyel to think to comfort Taver, and she's just
</p>
<p>
wh
</p>
<p>
w</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I actually can't stand Lancir and keep yelling about how terrible he was, so it was an interesting exercise to inhabit the perspective of someone who loved him.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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